As You Lay Dying in My Arms

Hey little guy

Last night, as you were dying in the back of the car, your head on my lap, legs and tail stiff with terror, your brown eyes staring up at me helplessly...I could tell you had so many questions. That's understandable, it must have been absolutely bewildering for you. It's possible that I was the first human being to even touch you, then suddenly you were being picked up by one great big person and laid down inside a strange vehicle, with another person softly stroking your face and telling you it was going to be alright. I know, it wasn't alright at all, it was fucking horrendous beyond belief, as your lungs were slowly collapsing and causing blood to leak from your mouth. What I meant was that it would be alright in the end, when it was all over. Was it? I hope so.

OK so I'm going to try and answer some of the thousand questions that were pouring out of your eyes and into mine.

The first thing I think must be - what happened? What happened to you is that you were running with your friends, and because you were so young I guess you hadn't yet learned how to be careful on the roads like the others. And then, little one, a human was driving a car very very fast. And he hit you, very hard, and that's why you suddenly found yourelf in a heap against a garden wall. Why he was driving so fast, I cannot answer. Why he didn't stop - well that one I can answer for you. People are cruel - cruelty is not a concept that you or any other animal will comprehend, so this is a tricky one for me to explain. But let's just say that he was bad, and lots of us are simply bad on the inside, I'm sorry to say.

Why did I say I loved you, before you were taken inside and put to sleep? Well that's because I'm a very strange human - other humans call me mental (amongst other things) and maybe I am, but I love dogs more than I do my own species. No dog is inherently fucked up and bad on the inside like us humans. Anyway, sometimes I feel as though my dogs can understand me when I talk to them (OK fine, I'm mental) - so I wanted to let you know you were loved, just in case you could.

Why did we take you to a strange place and lay you down on a cold steel table, where a lady gave you an injection, causing you slip into sleep forever? That's because initially we really thought you might make it, and we wanted to try and get you fixed. But after a little while, when I saw the panic in those eyes as I held your head, and heard the gurgling in your throat, it was clear that you were really really broken on the inside. Not broken like the human beings - they're broken spiritually, and you were broken physically - see? I know, it's confusing.

Why are there so many others like you on the streets where we live? Gathering in packs and struggling to survive? Well this is another difficult one to explain and again it is related to the badness of humans. And guess what - everything is! All of the problems in the whole wide world, when you get down to the very root, are caused by the badness of humans. That's insane isn't it? I know it is very hard to grasp. It's hard for me to get my head around too sometimes, and makes me feel very sad.

...Anyway - it will be impossible for you to grasp the whole problem around the world so let me just explain what is going on in this little part of the world, the only place you ever knew. Humans do this thing called breeding, and they do it very irresponsibly. What is breeding? Well, we people hold the belief that we are the most superior species of all! And that this gives us the right to force other animals to make babies over and over again, for their own greedy purposes. I know, right? Fucked up. Yes, we think that the wombs of all the animals in the world belong to us. We force all kinds of animals to repeatedly give birth, especially the cows, the pigs and the chickens. Then we take those babies away. I'm not going to tell you what we do to those babies, because you don't need to know. The other problem in this place is that the people will not spay or neuter, and so the problem gets worse.

Why did I sob and sob, and leak teardrops on your body, as the needle was pushed inside your leg? How can I be allowed to do so, how do I get the fucking right to cry over you, when it is my kind who did this to you? I know. I'm sorry, I had no right at all. Why did I turn away when they put your body into a garbage bag? Because I couldn't face it, again please accept my apology - I'm a coward.

Will it happen again? Yes it will, I'm so sorry to say. Again and again and again. To every single species of animal that exists on the planet - the humans will continue to hurt you and kill you, in the worst ways imaginable. Is there any end in sight? I don't know. The humans are also gradually wiping themselves off the planet, so perhaps there is hope after we have all gone.

But let me tell you one thing my love, before I go. It's this - I won't ever stop. I will not ever fucking shut up or stop fighting or trying my best to get the humans to understand that this is wrong. It's all wrong.

Sleep well little boy. I'm so sorry you had to die.